Defining the Holidays:  Creating Family Traditions

·       Ask your kids what they remember about past holidays, what was most important to them.  (If the response is presents, ask about what else they remember.)  Talk about traditions and how your family can create ones that mean the most to them.

·       Be aware that just because it’s a special time doesn’t mean that family tensions and relationship issues can be put on hold.  Be realistic!!!

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·       Read a different holiday book each night or week. Reading about Hanukkah, Kwansaa, and Winter Solstice can be an opportunity to discuss how other cultures celebrate holidays at this time of year and can stimulate an “interest in the interests of others”.

·       Create family traditions around doing things together:  cook together, watch a holiday movie, create a memory book, decorate the house, sing, dance, have a talent show, set out a jigsaw puzzle, play games inside or outside (a multiple family soccer game).

·       Give your child realistic expectations about gifts; if what they want is not going to happen, let them know.  This might be an opportunity to talk about your values and your budget.

·       Realize that what is most important for kids is joyful family time together.  Don’t let the pressures of the schedule crowd out the important “just being together” time.  Have realistic expectations of what your kids can handle successfully in terms of social events.  Practice saying “We’d love to see you, let’s get a date scheduled for January”.

·       Recognize when you are getting overwhelmed by the need to create the ideal holiday – prioritizing family time may feel like you are lowering your standards but will allow you to enjoy the time too.  A big step for me was realizing I could just buy the pies!

·       Gifts:  Be sure kids are on the giving end, not just the receiving.  Talk to your extended family if the sheer number of gifts is overwhelming.  Encourage gifts of time:  a special event, a regularly scheduled “just the two of us” lunch.  Kids can give these too:  ‘coupons’ good for helping with fixing dinner, going with you grocery shopping and other tasks that are not their regular responsibility.  Encourage gifts from the heart:  homemade items, books that you want to share, have each person find a poem for each person, write a story, draw a picture.  If you want to downplay the gifts, find other activities to fill the time:  cut down your Christmas tree together, make the ornaments, make gingerbread houses, sing, go to a special Christmas concerts, go for a hike, visit Christmas displays.

·       Find ways for kids to become part of the family’s donations to charities.  Sponsor a family for the holiday, visit an animal shelter, allow each child to pick an organization for a donation (institute an allowance plan that includes the child’s own donations, % for savings, % for giving, % for own spending.)

ENJOY!!!

Pam Mintz

YMCA Youth & Family Services

parenting@ymcadc.org

301 229-1347